A sea of browns and peaches rocked back and forth overhead, lanky rods with hands for ends. They both protected and smothered her, angled faintly towards the stage, radiating a silvery light that seemed to be a magnet for held up arms. All near forms around her were pointless blurs, and so was her clouded mind as lithe body conversed with this acute equilibrium of hers and her restless feet, her agitated shoulders, her languid hips, combined into an inebriated dance. Her mind swam comfortably, waltzed by lethargic waves that soon filled her chest and soared her throat, and before it could spill, she stumbled out of the crowd.
Her fleeting spirits led her towards her primary source of comfort, or perhaps it was only that she had spent most of prom night laughing with people other than her. Her very magnificent, stiff and deadpanned date. Not only had she politely proposed a dance, she had begged plenty and eventually tugged on a lean yet surprisingly vigorous forearm for it, five crimson ovals appearing slowly as she abandoned the idea of Azula’s hands awkwardly and lightly finding her hips. That and to see her irresistible lips grinning as she got the hang of it —— truly she could achieve anything if only she tried. But to her, dances were humiliating and god knew dignity mattered much more than your girlfriend’s simplest desires.
Not that bitterness had swallowed her glee at that, in fact she was well used to Azula being openly full of herself and practically bordering ego-centrism. As much as she admired and adored her confidence, it could be terribly abundant. Prodigies weren’t meant to be aware of their capacities. Nonetheless, Ty Lee loved that assurance, it was reassuring and fascinating, this unwavering aplomb.
❝ —- ‘Zula, ❞ she uttered with drunken tenderness, her pace slowing and features gleaming from more than the sweat as —- indolently —- she rolled her head in the wished direction ( hers! ). ❝ Have a little time for me? ❞ she demanded with a small voice, throwing one arm around as to regain balance from the uneven of her vision and clumsy foot. Of course she did, but courtesy was flattering, not obsolete, even between lovers.
Earnestly, she caressed Azula’s exposed shoulder, and the divine slope that continued to her fingers —— that, like a gift, she wrapped of her own. Despite the coziness found in her sweaty palm, Ty Lee soon released her hold —— something about not being alone as she touched her seemed to be incredibly unsettling. Thus, she also had to deny her lips the satisfaction that hovered so close, so enthralling with a deep layer of red like velvet-cake-lipstick. For a moment, it was as if her eyes could kiss.
❝ As long as it’s not for dancing, ❞ vindictively wandered Azula’s voice, only then she lifted her distracted gaze, amber eyes already had been hunting her. ❝ Don’t worry, I gave up on that. ❞ For tonight, she said.❝ Want another drink? ❞
Flawlessly manicured nails elevated a small cup that she recognized as the one she had been draining languorously, the rich violet quivering against glass made her mouth water. She didn’t even like wine, but something about Azula holding the elixir made it seem so appealing, made her feel very childish and envious for her elegant tastes. Her gaze necessarily plopped to the bottle she held to her stomach, spritzing freshly. Perhaps she hadn’t been thinking when she asked her, but maybe it was easier to get her gratefulness by being of help, if only spending her money on alcohol. At times, getting positive vibes from her was as hard as getting Mai to care.
She shrugged grotesquely, her movements ample and clumsy, her coordination fucked. The two first steps she took towards the bar were enough to confuse her and before she could make a third, a gentle arm wrapped around her bicep and halted her.
❝ Look, it’s obvious you’re butt-hurt because I didn’t want to talk to your bland friends or dance, but please, stop throwing yourself a pity party, it’s just annoying. ❞
If she focused real hard on the lines of the floor, they seemed to float, and her words seemed to not hurt. She waited until the pressure to her muscle left a cold mark before going straight to the bathroom. It reeked of acid sweat, at least five girls were huddled near the two sinks and two others were consoling a third one who wept about a gash in her dress. If she focused on the tiles real hard they weren’t there, she wasn’t suffocating and she wasn’t hiding from Azula at all. The pity-party thing was true though, she did it all the time, but it never worked with Azula. If she hid, this time, however, it wasn’t for her girlfriend to look for her, which she wouldn’t. She had wine to sip and people to look at from afar. It was infuriating how much she didn’t want to have fun.
She lowered the lid and sat on the dirty throne, listening to the conversations there, most of them concerning boys with their pants down and no class. The bottle made a distinct clinking sound as she posed it besides her, ready to be discouraged on the behalf of people her age. Ty Lee, queen of the bathroom district, reigning over suspicious odors and hoarding girly secrets. ❝ I think he likes me, ❞ one of them said with a airy voice, ❝ at least that’s what Emi said. ❞ This seemed like a gigantic trap ‘Emi’ was digging just in front of her. She didn’t seem to notice. Or maybe Emi really knew and tried to force them together because the girl in the bathroom was chicken shit and couldn’t express her dumb feelings to a dumb boy.
Ever since she’d gotten together with Azula, she had started to realize her potential, and her league, and that maybe she deserved better than prepubescent, lusty creatures. That’s why she felt a pang of distress towards those great girly girls who only wanted to be appreciated, they deserved better than to run after inconsiderate jerks. At least for herself, it was them to approach, and Azula to scare them off.
❝ I don’t know, though, I heard he slept with Sophia, ❞ she hesitated again, water rushing and smothering their voices for a moment. Gossips, it had been a while she had heard some proper ones. Whenever Azula had something ‘juicy’ to declare, it was to report Zuko’s every ‘weaknesses’ and faults. It was astounding how differently Mai and her spoke of him, and how they expected her to take a side. For one, Zuko made her best friend happy, and two, Azula kept winning —— she didn’t get why they obstinately ranted and ranted as they got everything they ever wanted from that boy.
Thudding on her cabin, a girl leaned on the door, which caved in with a crack. ❝ You’re taking hours, hurry up. ❞ Ty Lee was about to obey, before she remembered this was her kingdom, and that none was allow to speak such vulgarity towards her piss-taking ancient blood. Blame the alcohol, blame Azula, blame her lame excuses but she was not totally herself: ❝ Uh…no? I think I broke it. It’s not pretty in there. ❞
She smiled serenely at the defeated sigh and distant footsteps. She crossed her legs on the seat. At her words, most people had exited, disgusted by the amount of puke it could have taken to destroy an industrial loo. Still a few people moved about silently, and she retrieved her bottle for a desperate gulp. She thought this kind of stuff only happened in romantic comedies, though she was definitely a dramatic girl, with a dramatically selfish girlfriend.
Well ——— she didn’t regret the entire night. Showing up with the girl who surpassed the ‘gorgeous’ level and reached something more heavenly had dastically boosted her pride. For Azula to have groped at her hand just as they arrived and for her pace to have accelerated to the reactions had been grossly satisfying. After the first meal the goddess had whispered obscenities in the crook of her neck, bitching on dresses and people and making her tear up with laughter. There had also been her solving the cake dilemma; on the menu there had been cherry and dark chocolate, as well as strawberry and white chocolate —- they had both chose a different one, though Azula’s choice had solely been to offer it to Ty Lee. She didn’t feast, she ate politely, and often neglected dessert, but this time she had plopped a little in her mouth, her parents positively agape that she even dared interrupting. After being crowned prom queen, her mood had soared even higher, but then…
Then she had foolishly hoped for a dance, and here she was. And she admired Azula for this, as much as she truly suffered, she wouldn’t scamper to the nearest shelter. As soon as things got difficult, she didn’t flee until things returned facile. More than that, she didn’t crave to belong as much as she did. Friends were assets, she was a master at manipulation, as much as she was her guinea pig. This girl had a way to constantly remind her of her flaws, of her air-headed nature, of how hollow she could be, putting that smile up for people to see, but not for her to feel.
She concluded that when Azula did smile it was honestly. And barely.
And to hate people, Azula was right —— she knew them upside down, she knew they were all perverted little assets. Azula knew her thoroughly, it was scary at times, how deeply she could understand every mechanism that ticked to most stimuli. She definitely had learned such from her father. Sometimes Ty Lee wondered if Azula really did like her, after all, she was perverted too, and she didn’t have anything to win out of their unison. Nothing substantial anyway.
Thudding, again. Heavy and demanding on the door, and she jerked back against the cool handle, it digging maliciously into her hip. ❝ I said I fucking broke it! ❞ and it took a few seconds for a puzzled ❝ what? ❞ to make absolute sense. Standing behind the thin, beige door, was the Prom Queen.
❝ I broke the toilet. ❞ Ty Lee repeated, slipping forward on her white throne and stabilizing herself with the wall. ❝ Alright… it doesn’t matter. I’m driving you home, get out. ❞ Azula said, as dry as sand leaking from her mouth. ❝ I don’t —— It’s pretty embarrassing.❞
Her pathetic mutters didn’t make the other flinch, hot palm rubbing from her temple to her fleshy cheek. ❝ I’ll be waiting in the car, don’t be long. ❞ She sighed, and she waited until the door flapped shut to pick up the bottle on the ground, pushing the wincing door open, and emptying its lukewarm content in the sink. She then proceeded to wash her hands, buying time. In the large mirror, sweaty hair curled atop her forehead, a strap of her dress was misplaced, her mascara had started to radiate around her eyes and the alcohol clouded them severely. Giggling hollowly, she pushed back the damp hair on her head, straightened her shoulders, ignoring the skin turning red on her neck as she decided to come out.
The fresh air filled her lungs as quickly as it exited as Azula appeared behind her and laced their arms. She must have looked outraged and bewildered enough, if she bothered to say: ❝ I know you. ❞
Not that she was wrong. She had… not planned to get into the car, preferring to dance. Dance until her legs ached dully, until the middle of her back cramped and her neck stiffened. But Azula knew her and led her to the expensive vehicle instead, all responsible and pure, wasn’t she?
Ty Lee got sick as soon as she was helped in the back seat, the damp night making her shrivel into herself. Tired eyes didn’t bother stabilizing her crazy vision, heat evaporated around her form, and Azula’s aura turned sour and weird around them. Hers was fading, head canted on her shoulder, she let the motor lead her around, heart lifting up then pressing down, up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down. Azula would get upset if she told her to decelerate. So she didn’t and kept the acid bordering her throat.
She closed her eyes when they reached the front of her house, the driver hopping off her seat and promptly opening her door. Deft arm snaked around her form to unplug the belt, then backed a bit. ❝ I don’t think I need to carry to bed, do I? ❞ More of an affirmation than an inquiry, she slipped off her seat pathetically, Azula pushing closed the door behind her and trotting quickly to catch up to her. She took care of opening the door silently, whispering to her that she needed to hold the ramp as they got to her room.
Next minute, Azula unzipped her dress as they stood in the middle of the room, not bothering to turn on the lights. ❝ Lift your hands up, ❞ she muttered calmly, pulling the fabric over her head in a swift motion. Then, she could see how her elbows bloated strangely at her sides, arms longer than they should be. Strong legs rubbed against each other sheepishly, she could also see the paleness of her skin reddening furiously. She could see all of it ——- her, and she didn’t think of grabbing some sort of clothing. Azula did however, handing her sweatpants and a lemon-patterned white shirt. Slipping the last and discarding the first, she climbed on the mattress and messily covered herself of many covers. Azula had already left the room when she looked back.
Though, not two minutes later she entered, casually settled a wide glass of water and an aspiring to her bed side and was about to get up when she called her name. Feigning curiosity, she turned and her brows raised expectantly. ❝ Don’t I get a kiss? ❞ she breathed, shifting as to be cozier, Azula straightened, ❝ and for what? ❞ simpered the devil.
Usually she didn’t talk back; blame the alcohol.
❝ Sometimes I wonder why you’re even with me. Really. I don’t get it.❞ The flood of words forced to breathe deeply, ❝ You don’t… you hate everything I like, my friends, my family… me sometimes. ❞ Expecting an exaggerated wrath, she winced, braced for either vile silence and a final stare, or heated whispers.
❝ So that’s why you’ve been acting up? ❞ she asked instead, more of a confirmation concerning her own hypothesis than a question. ❝ I can’t say you’re not right. But you’re missing something. ❞ Her and her preambles, her and her eloquence, it was perfect. ❝ I… appreciate you; for you.❞
❝ Besides… you know me ——— I only do what I want to. ❞
Gone she was; but evermore present in the few words of reassurance she concealed beneath soft reproaches.
name: ugh this would involve a lot of gross fights and ty lee not accepting the ridiculous names azula would want to give the baby. in the end azula would agree to name the baby herself if it was a boy and ty lee, a girl. eventually they find out its a girl and ty lee probably pokes azula real hard in the shoulder tbh. oh and her name would be katsu because it means victory ~ v ~
gender: welp a girl, but they’re both happy bc girl power hot damn
general appearance: as she grows up katsu takes a lot more after azula, at first her eyes looked dull and wet like ty lee’s, but within a few weeks they darkened and started to have those golden flecks. in terms of body she’s super lanky and clumsy, she doesn’t have any of her mamas’ postures. she wears a lot of hippie stuff like knitted sweaters and ample pants and wears her dark hair loose. she looks goofy and easygoing.
personality: but in terms of personality she’s really opinionated, she’s more into sports, tyzula rlly forced her into it at the youngest age and she does a lot of martial arts. ty lee bothers more to come with her at competitions and often helps her out with stretching and work out programs. azula helps her with her homework but she’s like ty lee, air headed and not interested with school work. surprisingly azula isn’t too merciless concerning that. katsu has a hard time expressing her feelings and she’s a little hyperactive.
special talents: katsu is a natural mediator, it probably comes with the fact that their family is sooooo dysfunctional.
who they like better: ty lee LETS NOT LURE OURSELVES
who they take after more: it’s hard to say, in terms of appearances definitely azula, but in terms of personality it’s a grey zone really
personal headcanon: katsu once tried to run away from home ( when she was little ) and ty lee couldn’t look at her in the eyes for very very long :’(
NEVER, had she witnessed ( wide-eyed ) Azula’s true wildfire from the decrepit forest itself. Though it wasn’t from fear, though it wasn’t for survival that she had never wandered inside. She imagined it was its owner that had been chasing her just so she wouldn’t step into melting trees and ablaze birds crashing amiss and shrieking out to death; pleading her to come and end their suffering. Azula would smirk at the sight, because she didn’t want this little messenger to come flying with one of her dear secret, wouldn’t she? And then she’d still be hovering, watching the woods with a terror she tamed and used as a tool. So that Ty Lee wouldn’t be able to look at those dark deformed bushes and the tall shadows that fell from them which eerily looked like her father. And the vivid flames, bursting in cruel snarls, in his throaty, smooth voice. Get out my PROPERTY.
The acrobat would scamper off as quick as she came, bitten by the words and shier than before. Though time would heal and she’d arrive, almost as good as new. Hoping to cross the line between her reality and her cherished Azula. For years they juggled like that ————- almost reaching the aggrandizing disaster, only to burn herself and find shelter. Still, the ravaging, hypnotizing flames would call her back, moaning in despair to be watched and craved. They croaked languidly, all curves and marvelous colors, if she didn’t know better, if they’d be more convincing, she would try and stroke them. They looked soft, vaporous, they were shining. They were restless and danced twice as better as she did. Everyday they would call her, and Ty Lee would come. She would watch at the border earnestly, then Azula would come. Go, she’d command, and obey she did. But she couldn’t say she had never touched the helpless fire, she had, once. When her fists collided with her friend’s spine, she had been stroking the flames hard and learned that they were deceiving at best. That they wanted to burn her. After that instant, Azula didn’t authorize her to watch. After that instant she put her in a cage and withdrew within the larger, and larger umbrage of her father’s form. An empty, dark presage that would succumb to light and was born from its absence. Ty Lee never knew why she would hide in darkness, and what comfort she had, remaining in such a small portion of herself. Or maybe she didn’t want to look at the rest, maybe she didn’t remember the fatherly shadow had been the lightning who struck one tree and dragged along the entire timberland. Maybe the flat, black image whispered that he was trying to find a way to stop it. Little did he know some of those fires were everlasting and only stopped when all their resources were burned. Little did he know that fire was contagious and that his weapon only caused damages to itself and those around her. A monster that was so beautiful once, a monster full of life, growth and green. Ty Lee had burned herself once, for she had always desired to walk in that tremendous forest, for she saw it for what it once was, for she was careless and wasn’t like others who only walked in quiet paths. Ty Lee had burned herself once and swore to never come back to it. Never walk her fingers along her spine, never respond to the writhing of the flames, growing louder and barely resistible. Though, from where she was, she always saw a feeble trail of smoke. She knew that if she followed it, it would bring her to the majestic place. It told her it had never stopped burning, churning, dying. Slowly, miserably bottling up, and dying because it was better than to stand so low after everything had been swayed, after the fire had done its job and left vulnerable trees. Ty Lee understood its fate and vowed never to go back. She didn’t think she could face a warmth so facilely reducing until all that remained were dull shatters. It would be a large shadow, covered in dusty black coal, and under the ashes her father would whisper that he won. When the circus freak eventually detached her eyes from Azula’s, she was weeping. The fire, it was so beautiful, its fate, so hideous. And now she saw that she’d broken her promise, realized that even with the distance, the years, and the convincing, she still wanted as much to get into the fire and BURN with it. She wanted to be a spirit and please the flames with the palms of her hands. She wanted to erase the shadows. She wanted to howl in the night and become the alpha wolf of the forest, she wanted to dance and live off the burning, burning wood! She wanted not to be burnt by the flames ——- maybe she wanted to BE one. And she wiped the fat tears obstructing her vision, longing to reach her hellish wood. It was sudden how her own gaze intensified, as if looking for Azula to prevent her from saying, from walking towards the forest, but she didn’t see her yet. So she paced forward, slowly, warily. Plunged into those eyes, for it was the bridge between her own land and Azula’s burning mess. But she heard whispers, she heard them clearly, as if they were said in the crook of her neck. And she replied, almost absently. ❝ When all you can feel is hurt… sometimes you don’t want to feel anymore. And I-I’ve never seen you not hurt. ❞ The bridge crumbled as she was in the middle of it. Her eyes closed and darkness she spiraled into. As much as she learned to turn and swirl in the circus, this was nothing like it, and she felt so sick and lost. ❝ Look at me, ❞ she said trying to keep balance. ❝ I’ve been looking at you for so long and you’ve never looked back until now. ❞ ———————- … ❝ I believe in you. ❞
[ ——» ☼ «—— ]
the princess feels it too, the Fire. the one that burns behind her eyes, sears all who brush their gentle ( calloused ) fingers over her hot skin, and destroys all that was left of a simpler time– an innocent child turned rogue by the spark. how easy was it to manipulate her, to curl fingers into her flawless skin ( such a young, red heart turned black) and push her down the path she’d never return from. ( lost in the woods was an understatement. Azula was stranded in a forest with trees aflame, bushes and animals melting under the uncontrollable element, the element that became her foundation. ) perhaps this was why she was so weak – instability ran in her veins, in her aura. conjuring flames was easy when the conditions were right, but the Fire was tricky sometimes, blocked by memories and pain. ( but Azula never feels, never dares exit the forest for fear of losing the little control she has. control? anyone in their right mind would laugh – but the Fire is all Azula has ever known, all she’s ever treasured, so stepping foot outside her domain would mean she loses everything, and everything she’s already lost. )
but that’s the funny thing, Azula might reminisce, destruction and unadulterated power were her specialties, yet Ty Lee manages to never be afraid – or if she was, she never showed it. ( often times Azula forced herself to imagine the fear in the chi-blockers eyes, because if she didn’t, a piece of her would die, the piece that thought she still had the control in this, the power over all others – including her ’ dearest friends. ’) for years Ty Lee had been a chirping presence, shedding light to Azula’s dark, giggling at inappropriate times, skipping and somersaulting when she should have been running. ( she never ran, Azula remembers, always followed behind as if she truly cared for her, for the poor princess who’d lost not only her precious family but her mind along the way. ) Azula would scream, fight, tear, become the personification of the fire that she wielded, and Ty would hide, only to return a moment later with some optimistic response or smile.
that’s the thing about Ty Lee, she had a fire of her own, a quieter, softer, kinder fire that allowed her to rise from the pile of ashes Azula often left her in. Ty Lee’s optimism was anything but naive, anything but unknowing. the girl was cunning, almost, careful in her chosen words. ( she had to be, after all, to love Azula, to care enough to stay for so long. Mai was a mystery, a ghost unbothered by Azula’s rage. but both were brave – or they were just too scared to show how much they wanted to leave her. the latter option gave the princes more pleasure, but as she thinks on this now, face cupped in her hands and breathing shallow, she feels nauseous. how could she feel that way about her? how could she allow them to hurt her like this? weak. WEAK. the fuel for her fire is running out and the one who is afraid is not Ty Lee, nor Mai, but Azula. poor, tired, betrayed Azula who stands at the mercy of any who rival her because she’s only an echo of who she used to be– but weren’t they all? )
out of all of them, all of those who’d encountered her, Ty Lee ( and by extension, Mai as well ) had been the only one to set eyes on her Fire, and to not turn away from the intensity, from the heat. Azula doesn’t cry, but hot tears fall down her cheeks and drip down her chin, tempting the fire. the teardrops fall slowly onto her singed, crumbled, paper-heart. she feels a fist at her back, the glint of those knives in the sunlight still in her eyes. Ty Lee had been scorched too, in the Fire. the little pieces Azula still held had been burned up then, unrepairable, ashes and waste. looking into those eyes caused a waver in her fire, but with the blink of an eye and the regaining of her strength, the Fire burned brighter than ever before. screams of little birds, innocents, butterflies echoed in her ears, the voice of a woman who’d been burned too was there as well, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. ( and then there was the sound of a mirror breaking into a million pieces, the sound of three little words she’d only heard from a long-forgotten mouth. )
—— fire is silent. the only sounds that come from it are the noises of that which is crumbling because of it. the smoke becomes the only evidence that it was ever there, and besides the scorched earth beneath the place it rested, there is nothing else. Azula is like this: quick, angry, leaving a trail of rubble behind her wherever she walks. in her life she’s walked over Ty Lee so many times she can almost see the ash on her cheeks, on her hands. her chin touches her chest, teeth gritted and arms spreading out.
this has gone on far too long.
( the Fire is an addiction, a wild, relentless passion. and Azula can’t get enough —- it’s no wonder Ty Lee has stuck around this long. in Azula’s eyes, the girl wants to watch her burn herself right up until all that’s left of her is a disgustinguglyterrifying memory and a patch of blackened earth. )
a sob is let out into the air, and she jerks around to face the other girl. Ty Lee’s daring nature is surprising – how does she know her so well? how does she say these things with ease, when years before she’d hesitate to speak her name? you’re right, Azula would say, i’ve never felt anything else than pain.(and you were the worst pain of them all, she’d whisper, even now she feels the ache in her chest just looking at the other girl. )
she’s breathless, unmoving as Ty Lee comes closer. eyes blink away heavy tears as words are spoken into the air – she can hardly hear them because Ty Lee is here, standing before her, looking right into her like she always has. ( why hasn’t she noticed this before? the fearlessness? the want? ) they’re barely five inches apart, and Azula’s heart is pounding. eyes avert instinctually, but she freezes at the accusation.
{ “ …you’ve never looked back until now. ” }
golden eyes open, brows furrowing. she’s as determined as ever. a hand lifts, ever so slowly, brushing Ty Lee’s bangs behind her ear very carefully. electric – that’s what she’d say to describe how it feels to touch her again.
“Ty Lee, ” she breathes, hand falling, fingers trailing lightly down Ty Lee’s arm, interlocking with the acrobat’s nimble fingers at last, “ I’ve always looked back at you, ” she says, leaning forward and closing her eyes ,resting her forehead on Ty’s, feeling her breath grow shaky. she can’t finish her sentence, her words, because her entire body is trembling, the voices in her mind telling her to destroy, sever the tie, BURN HER.
( i’ve always looked back at you, you just couldn’t see it through the image of me you wanted to see. )
body crumbles into Ty Lee’s, arms wrapping around the other girl’s shoulders and face buried in her smaller, porcelain shoulder. she lets out a breath, a controlled, tempered breath.
( “ the secret to firebending is breathing, Azula. keep it steady, keep it constant, keep it calm. control – control – CONTROL. ” )
the fire in her veins is aflame as she grasps the other girl for dear life, but begging for death. maybe if she prays she won’t have to suffer this crumpled, torn heart anymore, have to stand over the remains of the girl she once was. she breathes in Ty Lee’s scent, and cries out to Agni that maybe Ty will let the Fire burn her up—
and she hopes maybe Ty Lee will burn with her too.
" you're the talk of the town ------ go out and have some fun. "
but Azula doesn’t have fun, because she’s eighteen and she needs to pass her exams so she can graduate and get into university like her father wants her to – but they’ve moved again, this time to a big city, and her reputation of beauty and ( for lack of a better word ) attitude has preceded her. ( oh, social media. how rumors fly when the heiress of Ozai Industries picks up and moves yet again, to a new place with new faces. )
“ how rude. “ glares at the stranger. ” it’s alright, “ she says, glancing at her fingernails with a bored express- ion. “ Ty Lee will find a way to get it back for me. “
tired fingers curled instantaneously to the quiet sound of her voice, grazing softly against azula’s university sweater. she wondered not why she had selected this moment to express her wish, but the little acrobat giggled — azula’s emotionless tone it was —- hilarious.
it had been an hour or so that she had decided to settle on the bed with her, reading some book tainted black with charabia, at least, in her opinion. she had returned from a training session, pink cheeks and relaxed muscles craving the other’s warmth and stillness as soon as she threw her bag across the room.
her girlfriend seemed plunged in the subject, focused gaze analyzing each phrase with effortless beauty. azula would tell her many times to stop staring; but those moments where they could be so intimate were rare, and thus her innocent grey eyes would adore her face for the time being.
they worshiped her pouty lips, hanging deliciously like the petals of a flower curling from the cold. she squirmed with envy at the sight of her flawless skin —- her own was indeed healthy but not quite spotless or rid of the curse of puberty. those eyes widened at the sight of azula’s feminine, bored gaze, wandering through the pages without according her attention. how admirable was her exterior, but she was even more majestic inside.
ty lee’s hands deepened on each side of the student, knees following as she climbed over azula. her head then slipped comically beneath the book she held up, azula’s wrists laying on her shoulders whilst the pages adorned the back of her head. her eyes met incredulity and amusement in almost golden irises —- and she grinned.
❝ well ——- if i were a cat, i’d sleep on you all day. and purr in your neck, and meow to cheer you up! i’d probably try to lick your face but i doubt you’d appreciate that… ❞
the gymnast stopped when she felt pressure on the back of her head, and realized azula was bringing the book towards herself —— her lips towards her lips. ty lee kissed her sweetly and gratefully, blushing horribly.
”you already act like one.’
she muttered when they pulled off, book retreating from its previous position and blocking her sight. the cover pushed her back and she curled silently next to her again, utterly, blissfully satisfied.
❝ well of course you’re not, silly ! you’re more special than them ! ❞
the optimism is appreciated when youth is still present, but as years go by the princess is more hesitant with her confesses, more withdrawn ( she locks her secrets up tight behind a vault made of steel, behind a vault her mother seals the day she disappears ). the brunette’s kind words were always sweet in her ears, giving her the assurance her mother never did, never could give. the empty space in her bed, too big for such a tiny girl, was soon filled by the lanky body of the circus girl, one girl out of many being trained to belong to her brother- but the princess soon finds that being with Ty Lee is a good way to pass the time, the girl a good plaything in the hot royal gardens under the heavy sun. and as time passes those sweet words grow bitter and Azula realizes she doesn’t like to share.
so Ty Lee becomes hers, and hers only, and that little flicker her mother used to tell her about starts to grow deep in her belly. the first time she feels this flicker is the summer she turns ten, watching Ty Lee twist and giggle in the sunlight, the warmth of the noontime. Ty Lee, pour- ing sweat and hair a mess, sits beside her very close and begins to put little daisies in her hair. when they are this close, Azula can see the freckles on Ty’s rounded nose, the flush on her shoulders and neck and cheeks– and the flicker moves closer to her heart and she feels very warm, very light. light brown eyelashes flutter and hair is wispy in the wind and she is reminded of that first conversation of uniqueness.
no, she wasn’t talking about her element, her wit, her skill – but something else enti- rely. something she doesn’t expect Ty Lee to understand.
she grits her teeth and closes her eyes tightly, saying something mean to make Ty Lee move away, and the flicker dies ( but it’s hard to breathe after, hard to move her arms and legs, hard to look the other little girl in the eye ).
the memory comes to mind when butterfly kisses turn to manic, hurried (rough ) kisses between ceremonies and adventures. bodies change, minds set into stone, hearts become something more than a vessel for secrets, a vital organ ( Azula’s heart is abnormal, the doctors say, it gives an extra beat sometimes. Zu-zu says every extra beat is a beat he should have had – she’s always had more than him, always been better, and he can relish in this small, discrepancy. but Azula has always known she was different, not just her heart ). her head feels light when Ty Lee reaches for the back of her robe, tugging at the layers, not bothering to ask for permission – and this causes a stir in Azula’s belly. the flicker dies quickly, breath going quick, heart pumping fast ( but not in pleasure, in quite the opposite ) as her fingers dig into Ty Lee’s arms, pushing her away with hot hands, flushed face. the other girl looks confused, eyes like saucers – “ isn’t this what you wanted, Azula ? ” those eyes ask, those bruised lips inquire. the princess shakes her head, feels her hair tickling the back of her neck, feels her skin crawl at the thought of– the thought of–
“ you should go, Ty Lee. ”
they don’t speak for two weeks. they don’t kiss for three months. they don’t touch for longer.
( other girls her age talk about boys with refined features and beautiful eyes. other girls her age talk about kissing and trailing hands down thighs and a push and pull her father’s female advisors explained to her as a child – after Ursa left. other girls her age talk about how good it feels to desire. other girls her age don’t run their fingers through their best friend’s hair and sleep beside that friend that they kiss and wrap their arms around and lie to. Azula sneaks out of all of her father’s fancy balls early to watch the turtleducks with Ty Lee because the other girls in the room make her sweaty and the boys eye her as if she’s from another world. and she doesn’t like it, and she thinks its because she’s different. )
nothing changes, not even after the war ( that’s a lie – Azula always lies, even to herself sometimes ). and some- how when the clouds are lifted and her eyes are ablaze once more she wants to try it– she wants to show Ty Lee that she isn’t different. she’s just like all the other girls ( 17. average height. beautiful. normal, now, after the fact ). so when they start again, when Ty Lee brushes her lips against hers she hears the acrobat’s words echoing in her mind, the ones about what she wanted. the aching, nauseating feeling starts in her stomach again but she ignores it, reaching for Ty Lee’s blouse, fingers running under the hem, eyes closed tight, movements frantic– and a strong hand stops her. golden eyes flash open to meet greys, and Ty Lee, beautiful now, more than ever before, shakes her head.
“ i’m not like… the other girls. ” she manages to croak.
Ty Lee nods and Azula sits on the edge of the bed, hands knitted together with Ty lee’s.
“ i don’t feel it, ” she says softly, “ like you do. ” those grey eyes go darker, “ like anyone else does. ” and the nonbender exhales as if a weight has been lifted off of her, though her face remains solemn.
“ we don’t have to – ”
“ let me just, ” Azula tries to form the words but she can’t. her knees are weak but she reaches out anyways, shaky hands pushing the other’s shirt away gently, up and over her shoulders, onto the floor. Ty Lee looks weary, watching carefully as long, pointed nails run gently over her skin, ( run over the freckles on her shoulders, now fading, all the way down to her wrists ) and brush her abdomen. nails bite Ty Lee’s skin but she says nothing, just watches, allows the other to explore. ( Ty Lee closes her eyes and remembers when her own fingernails raked into Azula’s back, and prays to Agni she’ll be forgiven ) both shiver as the silence becomes overwhelming, and Azula feels her arms trembling because the sick feeling is retreating, but still present, still screaming that this is all wrong. when her eyes lay upon Ty Lee’s body, upon beautiful unblemished skin, there is no rise in her belly, no fire behind her eyes, just the little flicker. skilled fingers, calloused but gentle, trail over Ty Lee’s chest and to her neck, royal body standing now pulls her slowly closer, lips parted to breathe in the other girl’s familiar scent.
Azula kisses her like the first time, hears the roar of thunder in her head, and tears fall from her eyes. “ i can never be that way – not even for you – ” she chokes and Ty Lee caresses her checks with her smaller hands.
“you don’t have to be. ”
royal fingers undress the other until down to wrappings, then do the same to their own body, and there is no roar- ing of hearts or thrumming of pulses, just the sound of breathing and gazes of adoration. Ty Lee takes her side of the bed, and the princess wraps herself around the other, burying her face into Ty’s soft brown hair, and with the peace of the night and the other’s gentle breathing she wades into the ocean of lethargy, and drowns in the warmth of her ‘lover’s’ skin.
arms crossed, eyes averted. she takes the defensive stance. sometimes she thinks Ty Lee takes her for a fool. she’s witty enough to know how her friend feels, smart enough to deduce what had been going on. ( cracked windows, unlocked doors, notes written in codes they shared — Ty Lee was a sneaky but not quite enough.)
“ who do you think has been putting your seat placement next to mine for dinners?“ she turns, eyeing the other, ” or leaving the door unlocked? “ smirks, ” or replacing the flowers you continue to pick from the royal gardens?“
it was hardly romantic, but she’d known all along. it was hard to keep a secret from the girl who saw everything.
