»ty lee«

               ❛                 i’m sure you can’t.
                you’ve never believed anyone
                  but yourself and your father.❜

             it feels like her mind has done exhausting journeys her mouth didn’t, because the words drop hard and heavy not like she’d intended them. she bites her lip, no words anymore, just nod. she doesn’t deserve your bitterness.

              but in truth it was just revealed secrets, acid and broken. a parallel reality she’d never lived into, it had always had been a terrible, terrible pretense all this time. azula isn’t okay, but azula doesn’t want to be.

               she was bitter towards azula’s family, to have given her claws so young, fear so soon, teeth so sharp. but she’d never felt like she could press a word on it. ty lee’s opinions had always been dismissed by her, and with time she’d learned not to question it. to be chirpy. to pretend. to be happy when just a look at azula drowned her chest with cold blood.

             she’d learned much later but her and mai had been selected to be her friends. nonetheless, she had cared for her like one, she had BEEN one. she didn’t know about mai. never asked her. she didn’t feel like she had the right to do that either. it didn’t matter now, did it?

              ty lee doesn’t move. her wet, grey eyes search over azula’s face without flinching, she can stand her, and she’s surprised herself. she’s scared although… —— of what she might do, not of what she might think. azula hasn’t done anything yet.

              ty has always accepted her despite the monstrous thing she’s done, forgiving each of her sins but not letting herself forget her capacity to provoke chaos. what a choatic, darling girl, wasn’t she? what a friend. what a pest. what a monster. 

                  but looking at the scars azula’s given her feels like nostalgia.
                  she wears them as armor. words can’t affect her, ty had always
                  dumbed herself down, sometimes she wished azula would
                  have picked on that.

                               ❛ i know,❜she mutters and look down.

       ❛ i don’t really know what you should expect from me.
              i won’t stop you; unless you want to get at mai. then… 
         

                                       but ———— i just, i wanted to thank you.
                    you’ve made me feel like i belonged, even when you didn’t want to. ❜

            [ ——» ☼ «—— ] 

                                       The other girl’s words sting,
                                       and all at once it feels as if
                                       her chest is being torn in two. 
                                       She doesn’t know anything
                                       about you, Azula !

        if only that were true. 
                        ( when did her closest friend become a stranger ?
                        why does her voice sound so foreign ? )

                                but there is an element of truth to the other’s
                                words. Azula rarely listens to the words of 
                                commoners, of the opposition. ( Ty Lee &
                                Mai were always different to her, though, 
                                worthy of her time and care– whatever that
                                might have been at the time ) Ozai’s word
                                was law, but now that he was silent there 
                                were no rules to guide her, no boundaries to
                                test. and here she was, standing before one
                                she used to call her trusted, and the expanse
                                between them felt longer than the distance
                                they’d traveled in all their time together.

         but how did it come to this ? 
                               
                                had she known her actions would lead to 
                                betrayal, lead to more pain for all of them, 
                                would she have done anything different? 
                                no, Azula doesn’t care abut anyone else. 
                                or their silly little hurt feelings… 

          or does she ? 

                                she’s never considered the option of not
                                living up to her father’s expectations, not
                                keeping up her cold, hard walls. vulnerability
                                was to be avoided at all costs but she’s
                                never felt so bare as she looks into Ty's 
                                wet, grey eyes. Azula is frozen, doesn’t dare
                                break the silence – waiting for her to say
                                something more. doe she deserve this?
                                condemnation? maybe she’s always deserv-
                                ed it. maybe what happened back then was
                                inevitable. her hands begin to shake.

     what had she sacrificed for this ? what had Ty Lee sacrificed for her ?

                      “ It’s because he believed in
                      me. ” she mutters, eyes locked
                      on the other’s gaze, “ He – " 
                      used her. and her perhaps this
                      is where it all began. 

                                     belonged is a funny word. the
                                     sense is even funnier, because
                                     she understands that feeling.
                                     it was the reason all fell apart
                                     when she lost the two of them. 
                                     it was the reason she never 
                                     felt comfortable in her own bed. 

                             ” I don’t want your thanks, “ she
                              spits, she expects Ty Lee to know
                              what she’s really saying. I don’t
                              deserve your thanks. 

                    ” But I – I feel – “ this is all wrong, Azula doesn’t feel
                    things, she’s always cold, always numb – she looks into
                    those grey, grey eyes and sees something unattainable. 
                  ” I wanted to. “ she breathes, but she doesn’t know what
                    she’s thinking, what she’s saying. she wanted Ty Lee
                    there, to feel some allegiance to her, she wanted Mai
                    to stay, she wanted her team to be her family. even
                    though what she might have thought at the time was selfish,
                    she chose them because she liked them, wanted them to
                    like her. because despite what Ty Lee ( and all the others )
                    might think, Azula doesn’t like to be alone. 

                    ” You hurt me. “ she hisses through her teeth as if it were a
                    curse, words come out in short sentences because she can’t form
                    any proper thoughts, ” You … hurt me, too. " Azula is far from being
                    the victim in this situation, but she is hurt just the same– and
                    the familiar feeling is not one she intends on keeping inside.
                    fingers grow hot, legs stiffen, and she closes her eyes because
                    there’s nothing else she can do.